🌟 How to deal with fear

Hey, Flawsome human.

I hope you’re having a beautiful week.

I wanted to share a book I recently read that’s helped me live a more fulfilled & productive life; Feel Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal.

This one may be controversial but hear me out - it’s the truth.

“The secret to productivity isn’t discipline, it’s joy.”

This book has a lot of nuggets, and I plan to highlight other takeaways in the future, but here I want to focus on fear.

Many of us think that a lack of inspiration, resources, or talent is holding us back but it’s really fear.

Fear creates procrastination, and fear blocks our feel-good hormones. This takes us out of our problem-solving & productive zone.

Fear keeps you from making that post, asking for that promotion, or launching that business.

Fear kept me terrified to be seen or heard from for most of my life (up until my mid 20s).

Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of not being good enough.

Here are some things you can do to overcome it & finally get after that thing you’ve been meaning to do.

🧠 Understand your fear

Have you ever touched a tarantula? Ali highlights a study done in 2016 by 88 arachnophobes (people with an extreme fear of spiders). 

Prior to facing the spiders, half of the participants were told to distract themselves, and think of the situation in a less negative way. The other half were told to label their emotions as they faced the tarantula - for example:

“I feel anxious that the disgusting tarantula will jump on me.”

The results? Everyone was distressed. But the group that put their fear into words fared better. Their fears began to subside & they felt a sense of control.

This is affective labelling: the act of putting your feelings into words, which forces you to identify and get to know the sensations you’re feeling.

We can better process & release our emotions, simply by labelling them (not by ignoring them, and not by distracting ourselves).

Sometimes this isn’t easy to do, so ask yourself these questions when you find yourself fearful/procrastinating:

What am I afraid of? Where does this fear come from? Is this fear based on me, or others? 

If you still struggle, think of the situation in third person. What might someone in your exact situation be fearful of?

One last thing on this: be careful with labels, as they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Remember, our thoughts manifest into our realities.

If you shut down a business, you’re not a failure. If you miss a deadline, you’re not a procrastinator. If you rest, you aren’t lazy.

Labels can amplify our fears if they’re negative, but help us overcome them when they’re positive.

What labels do you currently use and can you make them more positive?

⬇️ Reduce your fear

Guess who tends to blow their fears way out of proportion? Everyone. 

Guess what that fear often leads to? Paralysis.

This is seen in an example mentioned in the book - a tragic plane crash where 2 passengers died with minimal injuries, and one lived. The one that lived was optimistic and sought out help while the other two were scared & hopeless. During disasters, victims commonly show cognitive paralysis & are unable to think or make decisions.

For the day to day fears we experience… how can you get out of paralysis and reduce your fear? The 10/10/10 rule.

Will this matter in 10 minutes?

Will this matter in 10 weeks?

Will this matter in 10 years?

The answers to these questions will help you recognize that many of your fears aren’t as big of a deal as you think.

⬆️ Overcome your fear

People probably aren’t going to care as much as you think, in fact, it’s a fact. 

We always make things about us, and this is called the spotlighting effect.

Our amygdala is always on the hunt for threats, so we always assuming people are analyzing & judging us constantly. But really, people are so fixated on themselves, they aren’t paying attention to you.

Try the ‘No One Cares’ theory:

No one cares if my first podcast episode sucks.

No one cares if I screw up my speech.

No one cares if my post gets no views. 

& if you still struggle, maybe try the:

Batman Effect: where you create an alter-ego of yourself who embodies all of the qualities you want to have; confidence, bravery, determination…

Ali mentions when he puts on his fake glasses, he transforms into his alter-ego Charles Xavier (professor X) from the X-men series. It helps him with public speaking.

Adele transforms into Sasha Carter when she steps on stage.

Beyonce transforms into Sasha Fierce.

Who’s your alter-ego?

If you want to learn more, you can pick up Feel Good Productivity:

Get it here (US) 🇺🇸

Get it here (CAN) 🇨🇦

Remember - you can’t get rid of fear, but you can develop the courage to overcome it.

Stay Flawsome. 😉

-Erica